Is This Thing On? (Migraine)

I am sitting here with my huge headphones on, because it’s the only way I can function today. As I mentioned in a post before, my health condition isn’t the best. Apart from hypothyreosis, I suffer from essential hyperpression and migraine.

The source of these dysfunctions haven’t been found yet and I rely on heavy medication to get through another day without a heart attack. And, as you can see, a huge amount of humor also takes an important place in my daily routine. Some doctors look quite shocked when they first meet me and listened to my seemingly endless list of physical problems. Then the shocked face has to make room for the sad eyes, followed by The Frown and ending with this nervous playing with their pens. When it comes to this I know I have to find another doctor that has some more ideas on what might be wrong.

And that brings us to today. Whenever I lost hope in yet another professional, I have to resolve to my meds and my headphones. Sometimes the best help is the one we offer ourselves. A few months ago I was looking for some music for an autogenic training session. I’ve run out of suitable music after a few weeks and it stopped the whole success I had with this kind of relaxation programm.

What I’m going to write now is not based on statistics or science. It’s based purely on my experience.

Next to some lovely background music for my relaxation training, I found music that supposedly helps with pain relief. I was quite sceptical at first, even though I learned in school that music can have a very positive effect on the brain. I believed it then and I thought, why not trying it now? I know Largo works wonders while studying. I remember thinking, that it couldn’t possibly hurt any more than it already did, could it?



Boy, was I ever wrong. The first video made it even worse and I lost sight in my left eye completely for the duration of the music. But don’t worry, that’s nothing out of ordinary with my kind of migraine. I have this aura that changes my eye-sight while the attack lasts. After that it’s back to normal. Many others do, too, so it’s nothing to worry about. I can’t drive a car, anyway.

I was shocked, but also intrigued. This was fascinating! Somehow this music manipulates my brain. And if it can make it worse (like no other everyday sound did before) it can make it better, too! And I’m glad I didn’t stop trying there and then. I soon discovered that my brain responds to isotronic beats in a very negativ way, while gamma waves and bineural beats are quite the opposite. I’m going to do a little research on these and I’ll keep you posted on how this works.

But that’s essentially why, if the weather turned from sun to thunderstorm in less than 10 hours, you’ll find I won’t answer the phone or the door. I’m literally deaf to the world around me, while I have my little music therapy sessions.

If you ever want to try this, please remember the following aspects I discovered:

First, there is a good chance you might get rid of your head-ache for a short period of time. But I now discovered that when I listen to this music without having a head-ache, my brain knows something’s amiss and I get a head-ache. It’s not as intense as migraine, but it’s close.

Second, don’t rely on it too much. I guess it’s like some sort of drug: you use it too often, you’ll show signs of deprivation. Use it only in extreme situations and when you really really really have to. I use it everytime I feel that my blood-pressure is too high. I can’t risk taking pain-killers then. That’s why I use it.

Last, but not least: eat something before you try this and don’t use this, when you are on any kind of numbing medication. You’ll get dizzy, feel sick and you might act like a monkey on drugs.


The Freddie Mercury Movie

I just learned something fantastic: there will be a film about Freddie Mercury and it’s in the hands of Queen. Here’s the quote of Brian May, that has a few details about it:

Queen Plans – Brian May
Thanks to

“Ah … I promised news of yesterday’s Queen band meeting. Well, it was just Roger and Jim Beach and myself … we are a small cottage industry !! Our main agenda was the Freddie film … which, I’m happy to tell you, is on course. Much of our discussion was about contractual things … it’s pretty complex …. and determining who is responsible for what. The pieces are all falling into place, though we are now on a slightly later schedule – filming is now scheduled to start in the Spring, with Sacha Baron Cohen playing Freddie. The film should be ready for release early in 2014. We did make some other plans, but they will have to stay under wraps for now. Being in Queen is – bizarrely – as full of surprising twists and turns as ever – 40 years since we first got together, and 20 years after losing Freddie. But of course Freddie is in so many ways very much alive. He must be wryly smiling somewhere !!!”

Isn’t it wonderful? I thought so and then I started looking at the comments. All of them were very positive but one comment stuck with me.

Freddie is a memory and a legend, stop fucking tainting it! We dont need a film when footage exists of freddie himself

Why NOT making a movie? If it were made by any other team I’d understand the protest. But I never had the feeling that Queen ever did something unjust to Freddie’s memory.

He was an amazing person, or so I heard, because quite frankly? I haven’t been old enough to understand what’s going on, when he died. I remember my mum being in tears and even my dad was acting differently. That’s all I remember.

I have seen the footage, I have listened to the music endless hours but it’s not belonging to my generation. Why should only past generations have a link to him? They all feel so high and mighty, because they have something that we’ll never have! So, if I can’t share your memories, I’d love some of my own!

It’s like wearing hand me down’s an entire life and finally getting this awesome sweater you’ve listened others talking about for years. Yes, it’s not REALLY Freddie. But I’ll honor it just like I honor the musical (which I dig alot!). Because Freddie isn’t just a legend of the past – hell always be there. And if you don’t like the movie, stick with your memories.

But don’t stop the infection of the younger generations with the legend that is Freddie Mercury!

Oh, hormones, where art thou?

Usually, I’m obsessed with food. It’s no secret I enjoy cooking. But it’s the task I enjoy, not eating it. I never had to fight for food. My siblings are older by far and the closest to my age would be my nephews. By the time they started to eat solid food, I was old enough to put my foot down and take part of the whole cooking thing. My mum, coming from a large family, knows how to cook huge amounts of food. It’s cooking for three that really throws her. So, we always had more than enough food. My brother would take some home, my sister would take some for the kids’ lunch the following day. No big deal.

It goes without saying, that I haven’t been hungry. It’s one thing my family got right: eating, and making sure everybody gets their fill. I have mentioned before, that dinner was what held my family together. It’s what we always did best: enjoy our glorious food. Not so much for me, being a very picky eater. That’s something I learned to get rid off, when I moved out. Sometimes I can’t afford the food I’d like to eat. But really, it doesn’t always have to be Lasagna or filet with me. Soup or sprouts are fine, too. And the possibilities of meals are endless.

Just now something had me thinking. I haven’t been thinking about eating in a while and I blame it on my hormones. No, I’m not pregnant. It’s a whole other condition, called hypothyreosis. For information check HERE. I’ve been on medication for awhile now and during our move to the bigger flat, I’ve forgotten to get a new prescreption. I don’t know how that could have happened, because I’m reminded daily by my bag of pills (yes, it’s a bag by now with 5 different meds for high blood-pressure, painkillers in case of migraine, and some more stuff I won’t get started with today) that I have to open twice a day to take one medication or another. It’s a pain, but I learned to deal with it.

What I also had to deal with, when I started treatment, was the hunger. Suddenly, I was hungry again. Before I thought I was always hungry, but I was just never full. THIS hungry was something else altogether. Maybe you don’t understand this, but imagine this:

Your favorite color is blue. Then you are told the sky is blue and when you look up you’re confused. Because that’s not the same as your favorite color. See what I mean?

Now I don’t feel hungry (I don’t like blue) at all, and that is strange. Even though, my partner just left the apartment to hunt down meat – he somehow heard me talking about Lasagna and wants to treat me tonight – I can’t help but feel cross at the thought of food.

Tomorrow, I’ll get the new prescreption.

How did I even notice it after all? I read a post by a fellow blogger who wrote about the suffering of children that do not know how and when they’ll get their next meal. She works as a volunteer for a food bank. Check out the story she shared and read her post Hunger is Not a Game.

Thanks for reading!


I admit it:

I am a chicken!

No, I didn’t grow wings and feathers and yes, I did take my pills today. But did you ever had a day when you wish your attitude was more Kate Moss ‘I don’t give a damn about what you think of me!’ and less Paranoia Girl ‘Let’s just not do anything that makes other people take notice of you!’? Yeah, today is such a day. You see, I just can’t believe the opportunities I let slip by in my life. Some much bigger than others. And I just let another one slip by. Not only that, I even waved until I couldn’t see it anymore.

And I tried so hard this time!!

Well, here’s the case: I went grocery shopping today and on the way to the supermarket I came across a huge pile of junk. Chairs, half a couch, ugly cupboards and the perfect lampshade for a crafting project I’m just DYING to get my hands on! Guess what? I just walked by it. I was too scared to take it. I mean, it’s junk, right? It lay there, on the STREET for Pete’s sake…and I just continued on my way to get carrots and bread.

From the moment I saw it, I was thinking: ‘When you are done shopping, you HAVE to go back and take it home! You want the effing thing? Take it!’ If it was for a friend, I would have turned around and got it for her or him. THAT’s okay, somehow. But for myself? Naah. The police is across the street and it’s actually forbidden to ‘steal’ this junk.

It wasn’t even broken! I’m a nut-case, I know. Instead of writing this, I should put my Converse back on and get it. But I can’t. I’m a chicken. Meh.

There it is.

Daily 1-2-3

My second post after a while. To understand this collection of numbers and actual associations I come up with today, here’s some of the story behind all this:

First of all, it’s summer. This isn’t too surprising as it’s already late july and we are all able to tell the seasons. But this summer is different. It’s been crappy. Lots of rain and wind and I actually had to wear a hat and scarf! But not today, no, sir! While working in our new flat, I didn’t notice the heat that slowly crept over the city this morning. In fact, I nearly took a jacket with me, when I left my current flat. But now that I’m back home in my place under the roof, it’s so HOT! And I can’t sleep. And when I can’t sleep, I start making lists in my head. Sometimes I write them down, but I’m never gonna show them anyone. Instead, I thought it would make a great opportunity to wipe some dust from this blog and post my list here.

But you’ll need some more background for this one. My boyfriend and I haven’t been living together so far. On weekdays, we stayed at my place and on weekends, I stayed at his parent’s place. That’s been a neverending story for the last two years. Now that my boyfriend starts his research for his PhD, we get to move in together. Finally!! We had a look around at some flats near the university and my nursing school and found the perfect place.

Our perfect place just needs a ‘little’ improvement before we can move in for good. And that’s what I’ve been doing these past weeks. That’s all you need to know so far. Have fun reading my list and maybe send me yours!


I’ve been awake for seventeen hours so far – no end in sight!


The temperature in my room are about 24°C and overruling the little nagging voice that keeps telling me to get in bed already!


I got two rooms done today (painting etc.) and need to paint two more tomorrow.


That means, there are already four rooms done already! We’re getting there!


It’s already 1am!! Holy Cow!


My boyfriend grunted nine times in his sleep (yes, HE can sleep!) while I’ve been typing this.


He tossed around three times.


My pulse speeds up to 180 as soon as I remember that my laptop is suffering from a virus. Poor baby!


I can see ten boxes, filled up with books, games and DVD’s waiting to get hauled away to our new place.


There are 373 pages of Fifty Shades Darker that are begging to be read.


But there are only 57 minutes of battery left. Damn them eBooks!

I proudly present: The First Words Of Wis-…no, Boredom!

My dear readers,

you don’t know me, but that’s ok! You don’t have to know me to read this. No! We are strangers and this works great for two reasons: First, you wouldn’t be here, if you’d know me. And last but not least, there is a chance, that you’re going to read a few more posts, before you finally give up.

Why, you ask? Half of the time, I haven’t a clue about what I’m doing. During the remaining half I’m studying, but this isn’t something worth writing about. I’m not complaining about life in general. It’s just the people that annoy me. People stigmatise. People judge the book by it’s cover. I’d be lying, if I wouldn’t do the same. It’s in the human nature and there’s little we can do about it. Those who think there is, are hypocrites. There I go again – I stigmatise. I stigmatise and I complain. I’m looking for the negative in your behaviour and I react passionatly when you look for mine. Humans are pessimistic creatures. Some more than others, but everything combined, we are cruel, hideous, materialistic and only working for our personal gain. For prestige. For attention.

Those who do not are frowned upon. They are called names: Treehuggers, Lunatics, Slack-off’s. And here we go again: stigmata!

We are no sheep. Sheep don’t criticize. They don’t rob each other of their wool, because it’s cool. They won’t kill the shepherd for his ride. Sure, they will bite off one ear or another. But their best trait is: they are not human!

So, why would it be your gain if you’d know me? You’d judge me by my looks, my style, my housekeeping skills or my knowledge. And in the same breath you’d say I’m one in a million. And that’s the only thing you can assume from me: I AM one in a million. But so are you. When it comes down to it; when you are stripped from your money, your luxury items, your fame or your position: you are one in a million.

All you need to know is what I’m going to show you through my postings. I’m a passionate human being who stand her ground; helps where it’s needed and doesn’t (always) expects something in return.

A pretty dark and serious first entry, but life isn’t always fun and cake ;o)

Until then,